If given a choice between Life and Death, I choose Life.
With these deaths in the family, my nights have not been peaceful. I try to think positive thoughts at night, but over the past several days, my thoughts have been with the families of the dearly departed. I keep sensing their heartbreak and I worry for my own family. I love my husband, children and grandchildren so much. I can't imagine the depth of the heartbreak that my relatives are experiencing.
What is particularly disheartening is the fact that both died so young due, at least in part, to diabetes. My husband has diabetes. My sisters have diabetes. My mother (who passed) had diabetes. And I have to be careful so I do not become a diabetic.
The night before last I had an episode. There are so many people at work sick with that bad flu. So Monday, after work, I decided to make old fashioned chicken soup to help my family avoid illness. Since I had to work overtime, I didn't start cooking until 5 and dinner wasn't ready until 8. I never eat after 7 due to my acid reflux. Yet, my family and I had a late supper. I suffered for it later.
At 2 am, I woke up gasping and choking. I couldn't breathe. My acid reflux caused the soup to come back up on me and it caught in my throat. Half asleep, I tried to catch my breath, but it wouldn't come. It couldn't come. I sat straight up. I managed to squeak out my husband's name. He shot up and grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me, calling my name, "Dee...Dee.! What's wrong. What's wrong." It was dark. He couldn't see my face. But as he shook me, my breathe came back. I could breathe again. My throat was raw from choking for a breath. I was still wheezing. My husband said, "What happened." I just wheezed, "I'm ok. I'm ok."
I got up and went to the bathroom. I coughed up the phlegm in my throat and drank a glass of water. I went back to bed.
My husband asked, "Are you ok?" He was still worried.
I laid back down. My heart was pounding in my chest. My ears were ringing. My throat was sore and raw. I was so tired. I tried to sleep. My husband kept rubbing my arm, checking on me.
My heart kept pounding out of my chest all night and I was still tired in the morning.
I stayed home from work yesterday and today. I couldn't eat yesterday until late afternoon and I've barely eaten today, though I do feel much better now.
All the while this has been going on, my thoughts are with my two sisters who drove out to California for the funeral of my niece next week. They are taking on so much more on than I have. They have their own families, yet they are in California giving their shoulders and reaching their arms around our family in California. The suffering of their family over the passing of a beautiful, 18 year old child, it's so much for them to bear. My thoughts and prayers are with them. I wish I could hug them all as they grieve and find peace.
I am grateful for my family. I love my husband, my sons, my grandsons, my daughter in law, my sisters, brothers and my extended family. I want so much to protect them all from harm.
If given a choice between Life and Death, I do choose Life. I do choose Peace. I do choose Love.